“In the process, in the waiting, you’re making melodies over me.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about process lately. It is wonderful, painful, beautiful and terrifying all in the same breath. We often ask ourselves questions that are impossible to answer until the answers come to pass.

“What will I look like on the other side of this process? Will I like the new shape of my heart as it grows into a new holding place? Will I be melted down like a precious metal to be fitted into a place setting? Will I have more added to me like a sculpture made from sand? What will this process look like? Will it hurt? Can’t I just skip this thing?” 

Nope. You can’t skip process if you have any hope of being the best version of yourself. It takes intentionality and purposefully embracing every awkward moment a long the way. It’s not uncommon to go through a process without noticing that you are in the thick of it. It’s actually completely natural for us, we watch ourselves age everyday and yet we are surprised by grey hairs that appear overnight or fine lines that slowly crawl across our faces. We, after all, are humans, our entire lives are a process. We go through seasons of change and transition sometimes with grace and sometimes with extraordinary incompetency. It is all good.

I believe that there are formulas to help us in process no matter what it looks like. These formulas involve fierce bravery and absolute rest. When we ignore our own process we tend to only look at other’s end results. It seems like life just comes so easy to those people. They have perfect hair, bodies, relationships, teeth, punch lines… We don’t see the behind-the-scenes, all the things we find enviable or perfect in other people are the result of their dedication to the process. 

Once you stop looking at other people for markers of progress in YOUR process you’re going to be so much happier. What I’m saying is: Every person who has ever lived in the entirety of human race, has gone through and will continue to go through a unique experience in every aspect of life.

Imagine this: You go to the airport with a nice sized piece of luggage, it carries all of your most valued possessions. TSA has the day off so you have to unpack everything in your suitcase and scan it for a robot (just go with it). As you begin to unpack all of these articles of clothing, you start to memorise each item not wanting to forget anything. You unpack a tshirt that you actually aren’t very fond of and then you glance ahead at the next station and notice they are selling brand new blue tshirts. You think to yourself, if I just throw this out I’ll have room to get a new shirt. So you do. You get through the first checkpoint and just as you’re about to start packing it all in again, a man comes up to you and offers you a brand new, even larger suitcase for being an amazing human citizen.  You suddenly have more room to fit your old clothes AND some new clothes, you gladly accept and start filling the suitcase. And go about your day

I feel like this is actually a pretty good picture of what process looks like. It’s taking the old parts of yourself and leaving them behind at the right check points of life. People will always try to keep some of the garbage in their lives and they will almost always find themselves stuck at a checkpoint. It becomes an injustice to themselves, they throw away opportunities for themselves instead of throwing away the junk. 

Healthy process is continually integrating new devices that build character, strengthen relationship and kill fear. 

Back to the formula. Fierce bravery, it doesn’t mean wrestling bears or punching great whites in the face. Fierce bravery is knowing what your process is and not being afraid of it, no matter what. It could hurt but it could be AMAZING. It’s usually amazing.  
Absolute rest involves the Father. When you know whose you are, you know who you are. You are covered. You are a daughter. You are a son. You are going to always be loved by the Father. Resting in him during every part of the process, will always get you through it in the best condition possible.



The uncomfortably accompanied life of a self-diagnosed introvert

It seems rather cliche to create a blog in response to my daily frustrations but I don’t care.  Here I am, a college graduate; 23 years old, still single, living in a house with 5 other women.
I guess I thought that my teenage days were over but I find that when mass of amounts of estrogen are confined to a small space things start to get a little… adolescent.

I can’t decide whether I am secretly longing for this “sisterhood” or if I am craving solitude. Maybe a little of both, either way I feel my emotional intelligence slipping.

As the cliques and alliances in the house begin to solidify, I’m having a hard time staying connected with my roommates. I find myself feeling left out in regards to affection, gossip and quality hang out time. Simultaneously, I find myself bored out of my mind listening to “boy talk”. I’m too old for this.

I can feel my slow decent into alienation.

Pray for me, I don’t think God created me to be antisocial.

Through this transition, which is inherently (like all transitions) awkward, I find myself clinging to Jesus. The thing is that when I take my eyes off Him and I become hyper-aware of my “problems”. Here’s the deal, problems are only problems if I let them be problems. “Say again?” Jesus didn’t die so that I could enable and feed attitudes that hurt my relationships. He conquered death so that I could have life and life more abundantly. Abundant life means prosperity in all areas of life from finance to relationships and even love.
I’m choosing to love despite circumstance and despite a lack of reciprocity. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s going to be worth it.

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